It IS FOUR AM

I'm sad. I'm hurt. I want both of you to know you are shitty best friends. You make me angry. I always feel like I am second best to all your other friends. I have been there for you guys through pretty much everything.Where are you guys now when I need you?


Kaitlin- Don't forget who had your back through every mistake, hook up, break up, and fight. I've always been here because I actually care about your well being. I want you to be happy. You're boyfriend is a guy I was obsessed with for more than a year and I STILL WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. I'm routing for you two all the way, even when you cheated on him. So many people wonder why I put up with you. It's this one sided friendship really. I give, you take. But I go through the motions with you because I know there is good in you. A lot of people can't see it. That's partly because you don't let them. But I see it, Ryan sees it. I just don't get why I am not good enough anymore. Maybe I never was. Sure, you call me your best friend, but you choose to hang out with those other girls. You take for granted that I will always be here for you. It's just the kind of person I am, or really, have become. And lately, I don't know if I can promise to always be there for you anymore. I try so hard. I'm sick of feeling this way. I feel used.

Kevin- I don't even want to talk about you. But of course I will. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you. I'll be doing something random, and want to talk to you about it. I have always been here for you when you needed someone to talk to. I pushed aside my feelings to be a good friend to you. It has been one of the most difficult things to do. I wish I could talk to you everyday. I want to share everything with you. I know who you are when you aren't trying to fit in with your friends or any of that shit. Sometimes, I just doze off and dream about what it would be like if you felt the same way about me as I feel about you. Right now, this second, I could tell you we'd never run out of things to say to each other. You're my true best friend; someone I'm suppose to be friends with. It sucks that you won't ever let us be as close as we should. For someone so real, you act so fake. For awhile, I thought my feelings were just me wanting to feel comforted because I always feel so safe with you. It's been seven months; my feelings haven't changed. You comfort me but you also make me want to better myself. At this moment, I don't deserve you. I am jealous and crazy . But I want you to be happy; I know you aren't and that makes me sad. You should be with someone who lights up your world. I think you deserve that. I know that girl isn't me; I know you well enough to know it is not your current girlfriend either. At the same time, I don't think you deserve my friendship. Because I gave so much to you. I tried and tried, relentlessly, to figure out your life. You can't make sense of anything and it fustrates me. You don't want to face who you are. The person you really are is the person I want as my friend. You confuse me. You hurt me every day we don't talk. I miss you nonstop. You're always in the back of my mind. I wish I could see you right now; all the time really. I'm done trying to be your friend. You want me in you life, put me in it. You are so important to me. It hurts like hell to know you don't give me a second glance. I was okay with being your friend. I really was. It's your fault we are this way. Remember that the next time you realize like you have no true friends.